As most of you know, I don’t usually involve religion in my posts. Not because it’s not important to me but just because I am no authority to make statements regarding religious matters. I, like most Muslims, am a learner and thus very far from being the perfect example to others. I try and often stumble and as a result I leave the making of religiously linked statements to those who are far more learned in such matters. That said this post will not be a statement of religious authority, simply my own rambling thoughts on a topic that caught my eye.
Two days ago a friend, who fights for vehemently and tirelessly for equal right for everyone (animals and insects included), sent me a link with the message:
“As one of the more modern Muslim woman I know, do you not agree that Muslim woman should be given the right to marry Non-Muslim men?”
Her link was in summary stating a fact that I (as a muslim woman) am well aware of:
It is haram for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, regardless of whether he is of the People of the Book or not. It has been said in the Quraan: “…and do not marry (your girls) to idolaters until they believe…” (Al-Baqarah 2: 221)
Now to any of you, who like my friend, are not Muslim you are probably thinking “hell yeah, of course she agrees.”
But the reality is: I do not agree.
Now before you all get self-righteous and start calling me closed minded and back ward in my thinking, I have reasons for my statement. See, I am all for women’s rights and equality and all the wonderful elaborate promises we as feminists fight for, but here’s the thing, the western world has misrepresented Islam and it’s laws regarding women completely.
I have never felt oppressed, harassed, and unsafe or under cherished. Never once has my father, uncle, grandfather or cousin raised a hand on me. Sure, like any kid growing up in a South African Indian home, I got a light slap or the pap spoon thrown at me when I was decidedly unruly or out of line but I was never abused or harmed just because I was a girl or was meant to be submissive and spoke my mind.
In fact, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been watching people give my parents this amazed look and quietly tell them “you are so blessed to have four daughters. They will take you to Jannah (heaven).”
Why?
Well to put it simply, it is because Islam cherishes its woman. The prophet himself is reported to have said
“Daughters are a great blessing because Allah(SWT) has promised a place in paradise (Jannah) on bringing them up. The one who has 3 daughters or sisters, or 2 daughters or sisters and he brings them up properly and fears Allah (SWT) regarding their rights, then Paradise is made mandatory for him.”
Sure my dad would have liked to have a son (just so he wasn’t outnumbered by woman) but if you ask any of my friends they’ll tell you that my dad has two sons, namely: my sister and I. See while it is true that most Indian (and I emphasise the Indian not the Muslim part) girls are usually taught to cook and clean and be perfect housewives I was never forced to conform to that stereotype. My parents left me to be the tomboy I insisted I was and eventually I learnt to balance my tomboy tendencies with my girly needs.
But that’s going off topic.
Back to the topic at hand, the above is just my introduction to the reasons why I disagree with my friend.
As a Muslim, regardless of your age and gender, there are a number of things you learn at a very young age. Everything from table manners to speaking to other people is addressed, explained and set out. We learn histories of the people who preceded us and the importance of the message they carried. We learn laws and science long before we get to school. We learn to memorise and recite beautiful verses as soon as we can speak.
Most importantly, we learn the importance of a woman in Islam and how to love and cherish them. Don’t believe me?
Here are five things you didn’t know about Islam and woman:
- At a time when female children were buried alive in Arabia and women were considered transferable property in the western world, Islam honoured women in society by elevating them and protecting them.
- The Prophet famously said:“Paradise lies under the feet of your mother,”
and a song by Yusuf Islam (also known as Cat Stevens) that many Muslim children grew up singing had this chorus:
Who should I give my love to?
My respect and my honour to
Who should I pay good mind to?
After Allah
And Rasulullah
Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father
This song was inspired by a story where a companion of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) repeatedly asked the prophet who he should honour and respect to please Allah. The prophet replied “Your Mother” three times and last “your father” , which served to emphasise the importance of one’s mother in Islam.
- Woman were given the right to be educated and encouraged to acquire knowledge. In fact, in the 7th century, Muhammad (pbuh) declared that the pursuit of knowledge is obligatory on every Muslim – male and female. One of the most influential scholars of Islam was Muhammad’s wife, Aisha. After his death, men and women would travel to learn from her because she was considered a great scholar of Islam. The recognition of female scholarship and women’s participation in academia has been encouraged and practiced long before the western world gave woman this recognition.
- Before the advent of Islam, women (especially those in the western world) were deprived of inheritance and on many occasions were considered property which one could bequeath to whomever one pleased. Islam gave women the right to not only own property but also to inherit from relatives, which was a revolutionary concept in the seventh century. Whether a woman is a wife, mother, sister, or daughter, she receives a certain share of her deceased relative’s property. This share depends on her degree of relationship to the deceased and the number of heirs. While many societies around the world denied women inheritance, Islam assured women this right, illustrating the universal justice of Islam’s divine law.
- My last point is possibly my most important point as it is the one I will use to solidify my standpoint against my friends statement at the beginning of this article. This point is a woman’s rights and position with regards to marriage:
A woman has the right to accept or reject marriage proposals and her approval is required to complete the marriage contract. She cannot be forced to marry someone against her will and if this occurs for cultural reasons, it is in direct opposition of Islam. By the same principle, women also have the right to seek divorce if they are dissatisfied with their marriage.
Be aware that when this law was made in Islam the western world was still trading woman as forms of sealing contracts and building allies. Marie Antoinette was married off against her will to ensure that her mother would have an ally in France hundreds of years after Muslim woman were given the right to choose for themselves.
Muslim’s are taught that marriage in Islam is based on mutual peace, love, and compassion. The Quraan itself states that:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy…” (Quran 30:21)
Muhammad (pbuh) embodied the best character ever possessed by a man and is the role model for all Muslims. He led by example and is well known for being helpful around the household and treating his family with compassion. He made love a tradition that Muslims should strive to implement in their daily lives. Muhammad (pbuh) treated his wives with the utmost respect and honour and was never abusive towards them. There are reports of him taking long walks with his wife Aisha (pbuh) at night simply to talk to her.
One of his famously known statements clearly says, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
So now I ask you this. Why would I as a Muslim woman want the “right” to marry a man whose only role models come from movies such Fifty Shades of Grey and the sexist men who deprived women of their basic human rights for centuries when I could have a man who grew up with a role model like Muhammad (pbuh)?
Why would I choose to fight for a right that would expose me to the evil of this world, when I know in my heart that any man who fears god and is a true Muslim would treat me as though I was the rarest gem ever discovered?
Does it make sense for me to marry a man who was not thought the true importance of woman and shown how to love and treat a woman when Islam has moulded the perfect man for me?
When a Muslim man’s religion defines the man he should be for his wife, what possible reason would I have to choose a man who did not have the same guidance?
Why would I want a man who would take me away from the very religion that has protected and cherished me my entire life?
I guess in conclusion all I have to say is having such a right would be completely and absolutely useless to me.
For I firmly believe the perfect man for a Muslim woman is the Muslim man God moulded for her.
—————————————
BrokeBella 