Recently social media has been inundated with victims of sexual violence and rape coming forward and telling their stories, rape statistics being put on display and hashtags that (while controversial) have finally started the conversation many victims, and campaigns such as the Red My Lips Campaign, have been trying to have for years .
I’ve heard tons of victims say, “but it could have been worse”, “I wasn’t raped so I pretended it didn’t happen because he was family…” or “no one will believe me over him so I didn’t say anything.”
The more often I hear victims belittling or down playing their experiences the starker it became to me that as a community we’ve made victim blaming and protecting the reputation of the offender a norm.
So before we can delve into the depths into the necessary discussions and look for solutions to the problem we need to clearly define both sexual violence and rape to ensure that when we discuss these issues we understand that there is no such thing as a small or big offence, both are devastating to the victims and the offenders reputation should play no role in the discussion.
According to dictionary.com:
Rape:
noun 1. unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.
2. statutory rape.3. an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation:
the rape of the countryside.4. Archaic. the act of seizing and carrying off by force.verb (used with object), raped, raping. 5. to commit the crime of rape on (a person).
6. to plunder (a place); despoil:
The logging operation raped a wide tract of forest without regard for the environmental impact of their harvesting practices.7. to seize, take, or carry off by force.verb (used without object), raped, raping.
The act states that “any person (‘A’) who unlawfully and intentionally commits an act of sexual penetration with a complainant (‘B’), without the consent of B, is guilty of the offence of rape”. This includes the oral, anal or vaginal penetration of a person with a genital organ, anal or vaginal penetration with any object and the penetration of a person’s mouth with the genital organs of an animal.
Prior to 16 December 2007, the definition was much more limited: “the (a) intentional (b) unlawful (c) sexual intercourse with a woman (d) without her consent”. This means that rape statistics from before this date only referred to the vaginal rape of women by a man.
~ according to africacheck.org
Sexual violence is often defined as is any act or attempt to obtain a sexual act through violence and/or coercion. This includes steps taken to to traffic a person, violence against a person because of or against their sexuality. Sexual violence disregards the relationship between the victim and the abuser thus sexual violence includes violence that is of a sexual nature between spouses or family members.
I know the definitions and I know that most people do yet I’ve also heard people try to reason and blame the victims of such assaults. I’ve seen the pain of being blamed or shamed but I think the most painful part is the fear that keeps one silent for far too long. So instead of inundating everyone with stats and hashtags, I’m opening the floor up to those who haven’t had the strength to tell their stories in public.
So over the next few weeks, I’m running a series of different rape/sexual violence related posts including one with the stories of victims. If you or someone you know has a story to tell please feel free to contact me via social media or email me on brokebellablog@gmail.com.
Working on staying sane while I write this series,
Brokebella.
BrokeBella 